sup?
Nov 25
The Truth About College:
College is a bunch of rooms where you sit for 2,000 hours or so and
try to memorize things. The 2,000 hours are spread out over four
years. You spend the rest of the time sleeping, partying, and trying to
get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). 2. Things you
will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).
The latter are the things you learn in classes whose names end in
-ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is you memorize
these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget
them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay
in college for the rest of your life.
After you’ve been in college for a year or so, you’re supposed to
choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and
forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of
advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts
and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics,
physics, biology, chemistry, or geology because these subjects
involve actual facts.
If, for example, you major in mathematics, you’re going to wander
into class one day and the professor will say: “Define the cosine
integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate
your result to five significant vertices.” If you don’t come up with
exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail.
The same is true of chemistry: If you write in your exam book that
carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk
you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the
other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about
this.
So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and
sociology - subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else
is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts.
I attended classes in all these subjects, so I’ll give you a quick
overview of each:
ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read
little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good
grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that
anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are
studying Moby Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say Moby Dick is
a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big
white whale roughly 11,000 times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is
actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of
reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are
enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic
interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.
PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding
there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should
major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.
PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams.
Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an
entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain
sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat
learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or
dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in
psychology.
SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and
away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of
sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never
once heard or read a coherent statement. This is because sociologists
want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time
translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code.
If you plan to major in sociology, you’ll have to learn to do the same
thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they
fall down. You should write: “Methodological observation of the
sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that
a causal relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory
behavior forms.” If you can keep this up for 50 or 60 pages, you will get
a large government grant.
The 36 Rules of Life
http://gotfunny.leroysjokes.com/2008/08/18/the-36-rules-of-life/
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
1 4. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
36. Your friends love you anyway.
HAHA.
Spot him!
Nov 24
Party sa Manila Bay (Party in the USA)
by: JP
(to the tune of Party in the USA)
I hopped off the boat at Manila Bay
With my bayong and tsinelas
Welcome to the boulevard called Roxas
Whoa! Bakit amoy Payatas?
Jumped in the jeep
Barya lang sa umaga
Look to my right
Nakita ko ang Luneta
I am getting so hungry
All the food seem so dirty
My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda getting sick
Sobrang pressure and I’m nervous
That’s when the kondoktor turned on the radio
And the Jessa song was on (3x)
CHORUS:
So I put my hands up
Humingi ng limos
Pera ko kasi naubos
Katok sa windshield like Yeah!
Pa-awa effect like Yeah!
So I put my hands up
May holdap
And no I’m not ok
Yeah! It’s the life sa Manila Bay
Yeah! It’s a party sa Manila Bay
Get to the club in my tricycle
Everybody’s not lookin’ at me now
Like who’s that jologs with cheap step-in
She’s gotta be from Mindanao
So hard with dabarkads not around me
It’s definitely not Abu Sayaf party
Cause all I see are mayamans
They don’t drink sago’t gulaman
My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda getting sick
Sobrang pressure and I’m nervous
That’s when the tambay dropped my favorite tune
And the Narda song was on (3x)
CHORUS:
So I put my hands up
Humingi ng limos
Pera ko kasi naubos
Katok sa windshield like Yeah!
Pa-awa effect like Yeah!
So I put my hands up
May holdap
And no I’m not ok
Yeah! It’s the life sa Manila Bay
Yeah! It’s a party sa Manila Bay
Feel like hoppin’ on the boat (on the boat)
Back to my barrio tonight
Something stops me everytime
The rugby smells so good and I feel alright
CHORUS:
So I put my hands up
Humingi ng limos
Pera ko kasi naubos
Katok sa windshield like Yeah!
Pa-awa effect like Yeah!
So I put my hands up
May holdap
And no I’m not ok
Yeah! It’s the life sa Manila Bay
Yeah! It’s a party sa Manila Bay
fuck im dying
WAHAHAHA BENTA
HAHAHAHAHAHA. TANGNA TAWANG-TAWA AKO.
Via, thehippiegypsy
